dejando todo

so leaving. how random and strange is that. after five months here, seven months fully out of the country, i dont know. going back home? what is that? i mean, home is my parents and ceze, and if they were here, things would be dandy. but like seriously, how can people expect me to pack up and leave? i think, i dont know. i was at school today for the last time for 3 months and it was like, damn what just happened to me? i am in a whole bunch of projects.

 

i found out my friend bruno left yesterday for the states to get married. um, excuse me? why do i feel like i was the catalyst for that random jugada in his life? when we had to ride the bus back from huachipa he started asking me all about getting married for peruanos and americanos and just in general, professions and professionals emmigrating and stuff like that. and i explained everything i knew. he never emailed me and today when i met up with incio he was like, fucking bruno fucking left to marry his fucking girlfriend. and i was like, bruno from huachipaaaaaaaaa?? oh shit, that was all me. and incio looked at me like, what the fuck did you do to my friend. because really our whole coversation was like, que hizo ese huevon??

 

yesterday we gave ximena the invitation letters for her and professor castro for coming to wm. and today i wrote one for queka because we're screening HER documentary so i thought i was legit. aside from the fact that we are family, but still. i bet católica might pay for it.  i mean, ximena is castro's daughter and católica might pay for that too.  anyway, we're taking the chance, i mean, i am, since incio doesn't really know about it. he's leaving for satipo tonight, err, already left. hopefully that kid comes back alive. he's probably my best friend here. him and daniela are really awesome.

 

i just lifted up my bed and there are at least 20 things under there that i have no idea what to do with them. and i'm like, this is like leaving school for winter break, just leave something behind why dont you. and i really dont want to. like ok, the books, the papers, because i dont want to drag that back. but everything i have collected in the past seven months? is going home to stay.

i am feeling a little disconcerted, i think. i want to leave, but i don't.  i am happy, but i am sad. i know i need to pack, but i dont feel like it. my aunts packed for me practically and i spent the afternoon at school with queka and incio and with tio marcos and nestor and mari and tia angelica and abi elisa and tia marta.  so really, this is awkward. and i want to eat something, but i dont. 

 

this is confusion.  the inner kind.

ahhhhhhhh

yesterday was pre-navidad but tio just came back with nestor´s results and he might have hepatitis!!!!! ahhhh!!! and i just finished my paper on violence and cocaleros.

hay que tener pasion

so im still not feeling the paper on drugs. but i started the outline. tomorrow is the baptism, incio has taken to calling me super pam, i have a brand new berimbau, i cant actually assemble it on my own, i got an email that said ratona! because that is my nickname according to our garfield characters (which cracks me up), i am somewhat tired and i wish people would be up front and honest.

 

and thats basically today and yesterday in a nutshell. oh and almeri rocked out to my reggae cd. so chill. only 2 days of capoeira left. three days of school. maybe four. what is the world coming to?! how did seven months go by so quickly?? i am in shock really.  how am i going to see every one in the next five days? and, queka cant come to the airport because she is editing.  thursday i am going to el callao to eat my pan con chicarron and drink a jugo with tia fema because i love that stuff. and it tastes good :) i think i am not ready. but my stuff isnt ready either. and today andrea and i talked about all the problems that we can fix for next semester. because we are not ones to wallow too much.  only aimé. who also hates talking because she thinks nothing will ever change. her passive approach to life and living kills me. it really does.

 

i recognize our situations are different, but i also recognize, well, everything. she always accuses me of having more. which i do, not going to deny that. but let's face it, i can work, she cant. she thinks my mom gives me everything. she doesnt understand that i pay for everything or work really hard to get it. and she thinks im some kind of perfect, but not in the way that she's like, wow, pams cool. but in the way that she's like, man i hate her because she's perfect and she has everything.  which i hate about our relationship. i would move out if i didnt feel morally obligated to stay. we'll see next semester.

que días tan intensos estos

so i dreamt that i flew home. like it ain't no thing. one week earlier and then i flew back to peru, pick up my stuff and fly out again, but i didn't go home. i went to a college. i dont know where, supposedly wm, but i didn't recognize it.  very strange. so apparently i ruined my own christmas present. because my cousins were going to get me a berimbau. WHAT. how are they so cool to know me so well after so long of not knowing each other? i dont even know myself very well yet and they know me enough to know that a berimbau would've been a perfect christmas present. but good thing i casually mentioned yesterday that i was going to buy myself one.  otherwise i would've had two. not good. so wow. i remember when i was in argentina i met this girl from israel and she told me she hated the food in peru because it was tasteless. and i was like, did you even try the food, because peruvian cuisine is DIVINE. and i was like, empanadas, alfajores, arroz con leche, mazamorra, arroz con pollo, ceviche, seco de pollo, seco de res, anything with plantains. so delicious.  when i get old and dying i think i'll come here to die so i can eat what i want and die blissfully. that would be quality.

despite my papers (now 1 and a conclusion), i feel strangely calm and peace-filled. like i have been working hard, maybe not to reflect so academically, but to reflect in me the way i am and just i dont know, the things i am involved in now that are meaningful to me.  of course, at wm i have meaningful activities too but here i feel more like i am challenged here because i shouldn't be alien to peru, but i am. and that is what both frustrates and motivates me at the same time.

o sea, donde se fue el tiempo?

so i have some serious catching up to do, but i need to reiterate that i love midweek holidays. and having serious conversations about life with queka.

comida boo

ok so i went to lunch for tia martha's birthday at this all you can eat chifa place and i almost died.  because i overate and then i got cold sweats and then i threw up.  and then i came home drenched in sweat and everyone was freaking out and i passed out on the couch and drank tea and then moved upstairs and woke up in my bed (well really i dont have a bed, but you know) sweated to a T. and then i have been studying and not studying since then and i feel wildly refreshed. only my stomach still really hurts. not eating until tomorrow at dinner.

maybe. if dinnertime gets lucky.

sobrinita chiquilina

so i have been semi studying and semi thinking of baby names. being an aunt is cool. the baptism is next sunday. and i have to go to a charla on tuesday night. i want to finish my papers NOW. like instantaneously. but that is impossible. went alone to the clinica where my sister is, fell asleep on the way back and then almost missed my stop.  well not really the stop, but the street corner where i get off. 

 

i only have 13 days and i have to do a gazillion things, namely finish my papers ASAP so that i can pass my classes, take my two exams, spend time with my new niece and the rest of my fams and translate three documents. and go shopping for my parents and ceze and for nestor (who i got in the gift exchange).  and maybe eat some ceviche.